Punishment?

I had an interested discussion this morning about the punishment for offenders who take advantage of our children. The topic was brought up with a comment similar to, "You get punished more for stealing a car than for abusing a child."

The debate was whether these offenders are being punished enough.

Do not get me wrong, stealing a car or someone's personal items is a crime. To me, it is more of a crime to hurt, abuse or take away a child's innocence.

What happens after the offender is released? They go to prison for a few years and are released. They are released back into our society. I am not a judge, and can not judge their actions. I just do not want anymore children affected. It is more likely they will hurt another child. They will be tempted to take advantage of children.

There are some offenders who prefer prison life; citing that they do not want hurt another child. They claim to feel this is the only way they are protected from their weaknesses. Why not increase their time in prison?


This will always be a heated discussion. There is no right answer on what to do. We all have are own ideas. I asking a friend he made some interesting points. His comments are below:

“There is no easy solution. Some have family of their own, some do not. However, if they are the sort of person that simply can not be productive for and within society, what purpose does it serve to charge society for this individuals misdeeds? I feel, personally, depending on the severity of the crime that execution may be the answer, expulsion may be another. However, the repeat offenders or "serious" offenders need to be dealt with harshly. Who knows what the proper response should be...but regardless, I honestly think that it harms society just as much to "punish" the just citizens by forcing them to pay for the upkeep of a criminal simply because by letting him free we would be damaging ourselves as well


I know there are different types of abuse and some cases are more severe than other cases; but are not all cases a form of abuse? No matter how much the child is hurt, they are still hurt and affected.

Support Groups

Sometimes the hardest thing is to know where to go for help. There are various support groups throughout the states. I will give you one example and then we can discuss what you can do to find a support group in your local area.

The Center for Women and Children in Crisis, Inc. in Orem, Utah offers free support groups for those who are victims of rape and sexual assault. The group meets every Wednesday from 6:00-7:30 p.m. Significant others are encouraged to attend to help in this time of healing. The group is ongoing and you can come anytime.

There is also a closed group, for rape survivors only, which meets for 16 weeks. If you are interested, you do need to call and set up an appointment. Please call 356-2511 for more information. You can call the number also for support, and it is open 24 hours.

The location of the center is 1433 East 840 North, Orem, Utah 84057.

If you are not located in Utah, you can call your local Department of Children and Family Services, check your local phone book, or even go on the internet and check a search engine for your local area. Each of these services act as great helps for anyone who has suffered and needs someone to turn.

I do not fully understand your pain, or those you love. Please use the resources above, or any resources to help in the pathway to healing and finding peace

Child Neglect

We have heard the stories; one could be a child is found starved from neglected parents, another is left in their car, a third child is left at a mall, and mother buys drugs instead of food for toddler. These are just a few examples of what are children are going through.

Healthline.net states, “Child neglect, also called psychological abuse, is a form of child abuse. It occurs when someone intentionally does not provide the child of the necessities of life, or does so with reckless disregard for the child's well being. Such necessities include food and water for healthy growth, shelter, clothing, and medical care. They child may also lack a safe environment, and adult emotional support. The abuser may ignore, insult, or threaten the child with violence.”

Of course most of us provide our children with shelter, food, and clothing. What we need to do more is to give our children time with us. Video games, television, and other activities where children spend their time away from their parents are forms of neglect if not managed from a loving parent.

There is the saying, “All I have to do is put a movie on for my kids, and I have all the time in the world to do what I want to do.” I do not see it is a problem for an hour or so, but it is when it becomes five or six hours a day. It becomes a problem when your children are spending more time with Disney. Do not get me wrong, if you are having one of those days, when you wonder why you ever become a parent, it is all right to put a movie in for your kids, and take a break like a bath or another stress reliever. (You just do not want to do it all day, every day.) I would rather have someone take a bath, and let their kids watch a movie, than beat the child.

Another form of neglect, which has been in the news more lately, is when a careless parent leaves a child in the vehicle. This may happen when they run errands, go into the grocery store, or even a party. (Yes, there recently was a mother who went into a bar, and left their infant child into the car, as she drank and partied.) These are all forms of neglect, and most states do have tickets and fines for such acts. You may have to deal with the department of children and family services.

One of the most horrific forms of neglect is addiction. You may be asking: how is addiction a form of neglect? First off, with addiction you are addicted to a substance which will take you away from time with your children. Another reason a lot of the time addiction behaviors have huge costs. The addicted will use funds from food for their children to cover their cost for addictive behavior. They get so involved with their own personal selfishness; they fail to provide their children with what they need.

We all need to spend more time with our children. Read to our children every day. When we became parents, we decided to put our children first in our lives. We will find some of our old hobbies, activities, and leisure time will not be the same.

We should feel grateful, that we are parents, and have these children trusted enough in our care to provide for.

Real Life Neglect Experience

My friend, the at-risk youth mentor, shared with me about a client he was working with. This is what he shared with me about the client:

"You wouldn’t think it when looking at him, but he is an Eagle Scout. His rough exterior and apparent lack of ambition hide his true talent. He knows a lot about computers. In fact, comparatively speaking, he is one of the smartest kids that have gone through our program. However, his rough exterior and apparent lack of ambition are not an outward manifestation of social deviancy, but rather they seem to be a direct result of parental neglect. His mother committed suicide when he was young, and he scarcely knows his father, who lives only about 45 minutes north of where our client currently resides. He entered our program about one month ago. He turned to drug abuse, probably to cope with his mother’s death, at a young age. Where is his father?

Neglect—it must stop."

Child Abuse Prevention 5K Fun/Walk & Kids Walk

The question I see the most is: What can we do?

For those of you in the Western States, on April 19th there will be a 5K run. The focus of the 5K will be dedicated in making people more aware of child abuse. Since April is child abuse prevention month, this will be a great opportunity for all of us. This will be something we all can do in helping the battle against child abuse.
For anyone who wants to participate, it is a fun run. You can run, walk or push a stroller. The important thing is to be there and to participate.
If you register before April 16th, the cost is $15.00 for adults and $5.00 for children under 12. Checks should be made out to the United Way. After April 16th, the cost will be $20.00, and $8.00 per child.
I will try to post an application that you can print off on this site. For now you can email sknadler@utah.gov or pick one up at the Provo Police Department.
The race will start at 9:00 a.m. at 1600 West 500 North in Provo (Paul Reams Wilderness Park). Please arrive Please arrive no later than 8:30am.
T-shirts will be given to everyone who registers for the race and there will be a raffle.
All proceeds will be used towards Child Abuse Prevention Activities.

Child Abuse Prevention Month
5K Fun Run/Walk & Kids Walk
Paul Reams Wilderness Park
1600 West 500 North, Provo, Utah

Fear of what will happen!

First off, I have never been abused. I will never understand what goes on in the mind of someone who has been abused. I will never understand how scared they are, or how afraid they are of the persons who are abusing them.

I am honestly someone who wants to help, and hopefully make a change in people's lives.

I have studied, talked, worked with those who have been abused. I have taken classes on the subject. I have even worked in group therapy on different subjects, and various age groups.

What I have observed and noticed, there is fear in the lives of the abused. It is an undescribable fear.

Here is an interesting fact: The abusers are usually very good at getting away with abuse!

You are probably thinking; what does that mean?

Let me explain. Most people assume child-abusers are living in poor communities, jobless, struggling to find means, homeless, or just down right the person living by him/herself.

We need to make sure we understand: Anyone can be!

Fact is, child abusers are usually very manipulative, narcissitic, friendly, and even out-going.

There is no way of knowing who is actually an abuser. In fact, they are someone who is well-respected in their community, their church, or even their neighborhood. That is why the fight is so hard to fight.

That brings me back to fear, and the victims being abused. Since those who are abusing them, are looked as great people from their peers, the victim's are afraid no one will beleive them. Or the abuser might abuse them more, kill them, or hurt their families.

In fact, the abuser will tell them, "If you tell anyone I will hurt your family. You get the idea.

I believe these are a few of the reasons child abuse is such a taboo subject, and the fight is not getting fought.

Experience from A Youth Mentor

I have received a few e-mails about the outcomes of abuse, or the actions abuse can lead to. Let me share with you one such e-mail.

The e-mail was provided by an at-risk youth mentor, from a local youth center. I have kept all names out of the e-mail, and the company he/she works for. We can talk about confidentiality another time, or the reason you will never find any names listed on the website.

He/She emailed me about the youth he/she works for, and a personal experience from his/her family:

“Most of our clients come from dysfunctional situations. Many of them have been physically abused, sexually abused, or emotionally abused or neglected. One of our clients comes from such a household. His mother committed suicide when he was only 11 years old. His father has committed several felonies and may be on the way to prison. It is no wonder that this client was confused on how to cope with his difficult circumstances. As a teenager he moved in with his girlfriend. He burglarized a local facility to get money to buy methamphetamines. He was placed in lock up and has been in and out of programs for the last few years until he ended up with us. He suffers from depression and ended up getting in more trouble in our program. He was then sent to a more secure program (meaning lock up or juvenile detention) for 30 days and now is in a more secure program until he is released. I doubt the counseling he has received really gave him direction. All this was due to the dysfunction in his life. Our client’s lives all reflect something similar. Several of them were abused.

Similarly, my own uncle was abused as a foster child. At age 11 he was adopted, but by that time he was smoking. Shortly thereafter he got into drugs. He later robbed a gas station and was sent to prison. The state then offered him two options: serve in Vietnam or fulfill the remainder of his sentence. He chose Vietnam. Already addicted to drugs, he got in to opium while in Vietnam. His addiction was so serious that that discharged him. My grandmother pleaded his case and the military mercifully extended him an honorable discharge. Upon return, he got into more trouble. He eventually died while drunk and swimming at age 32.”